I am paralyzed by my own duality, I can do nothing without feeling that it was perhaps the wrong thing to do, I fail to push society forward and I drag myself down. I feel I must rebel. I feel I must hate myself and sink to the bottom. I feel it will not be a vacation from happiness but a spiritual battle against which I can do nothing but lose, but which I have to fight. I am afraid of myself. I am afraid of the world. I am afraid I have to do something. I am afraid there's nothing to do.